A Gentle Pastor Isn’t a Weak Pastor

Pastors: If we cannot be described as gentle, we’ve abandoned a fruit of the Spirit and a qualifying mark of a pastor.

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Pastors today face enormous pressure to project strength and authority. We hear expectations expressed everywhere: in the aisles during greeting time, over a fellowship meal, in the parking lot after the service, and especially on Christian social media. “The world is dying for bold preachers, tough preachers—strong, manly preachers!”

What pastors frequently hear is an implied accusation that they’re weak, soft, and timid, that their preaching lacks boldness. A pastor’s gentle demeanor is perceived as weakness. But what if being gentle is actually courageous?

Our Shepherd Is Gentle

Genuine spiritual leadership—authority that submits to Jesus’s example—looks different from the clamor. Leading boldly means taking Jesus’s yoke and learning from him, who is “gentle and lowly in heart” (Matt. 11:29). Our Lord Jesus, the Good Shepherd, is the ultimate model for every undershepherd. His commands and his model teach pastors that gentleness isn’t weakness. Gentleness is Christlikeness.

Gentleness isn’t weakness. Gentleness is Christlikeness.

Matthew, quoting Isaiah, declares that Jesus is the fulfillment of the long-awaited Shepherd of Israel. His description is astounding: “He will not quarrel or cry aloud, nor will anyone hear his voice in the streets; a bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not quench” (12:19–20).

Hearts that crave authoritarian and emphatic declarations won’t like Matthew and Isaiah’s description of Jesus. Some may protest with biblical texts where Jesus flips the tables in the temple (21:12–13), pronounces woes on the Pharisees (23:1–39), and promises to come in judgment (2 Cor. 5:10; Rev. 22:12). And it’s true that Jesus isn’t only gentle. Yet to abandon the scriptural teaching that he’s gentle is to teach or follow a truncated Jesus.

Gentleness Isn’t Optional

Paul knows that gentleness isn’t an optional trait for a pastor. It’s a basic fruit of a living Christian (Gal. 5:22–23). Paul describes his own ministry with the image of a breastfeeding mother’s tenderness and care for her infant (1 Thess. 2:7). He even exhorts young Timothy that qualified pastors must be gentle in their inevitable duty to correct (2 Tim. 2:24–25).

Gentleness (Greek: prautes) is strength under control—the deliberate restraint of power exercised with wisdom and love. True gentleness requires significant strength. It’s neither passive nor weak. It’s neither ignoring sin nor agreeing with lies. A pastor can embrace gentleness while still confronting sin and battling lies. Gentleness governs power. It’s bridling ourselves and “count[ing] others more significant” than ourselves (Phil. 2:3).

As pastors, sometimes we assume we have to choose between boldness or strength and gentleness. But Scripture doesn’t present these as separate goals. For pastors, they’re inseparable from each other. Biblical pastoral leadership unites the boldness to speak the truth, the strength to maintain our convictions, and the gentleness that strives for healing and restoration. Jesus embodied this unity perfectly.

Paul points to Jesus, who “did not consider equality with God a thing to be grasped” (v. 6). Throughout Jesus’s earthly ministry, he offers compassion in place of judgment, is patient when provoked, and forgives without retaliation. Jesus hand-washes nasty feet as the emblem of a servant leader (John 13:1–17).

Pastors today deal with a flood of voices advocating for immediate, reactive, authoritative declarations. Congregations demand strongly worded statements about the endless stream of national news stories. Pastors face criticism for not speaking up about global events, even when they’re in the trenches with people facing life’s hardest crises.

The Lord does call pastors to speak clearly about everything in his Word, without recoil or apology. Yet even preaching of Scripture’s hardest truths must be done with gentleness if a pastor is to be faithful to their calling. If a pastor cannot be described as gentle, he has abandoned a fruit of the Spirit, a qualifying mark of a pastor, and a family trait of a brother of Jesus.

Growing in Gentleness

If you are a pastor, how can you grow in the grace of gentleness? Begin by repenting of your desire and attempts to appear strong. Do the heart work of turning from that idol, which the fear of man inflames. Paul says to the Galatians,

Am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Gal. 1:10)

You can then turn your focus to other practical areas.

First, listen intently to others before speaking (James 1:19). Refrain from formulating your retort while sheep bare their hearts. Pause your own thoughts. Simply listen well, working to understand them.

Second, lead your response with questions as well as answers. Asking questions isn’t a sign of weakness. Questions can help a brother or sister consider truth and express his or her heart. The Bible is filled with questions that open our hearts to ourselves and the Lord.

It’s true that Jesus isn’t only gentle. Yet to abandon the scriptural teaching that he’s gentle is to teach or follow a truncated Jesus.

Third, practice humble confession and appropriate transparency about your own struggles. Your vulnerability will allow those around you to approach you. Approachability is vital to gentleness. Sinners found a place with Jesus.

Fourth, let correction happen in a gracious, private way that communicates your love and desire for restoration. Assume the best of your hearer and speak as someone confident that the Lord is the ultimate answer to every need.

Finally, focus your ministry on the heart instead of the clock. Efficiency is good, but pastors can lose the point of ministry in the gears of efficiency. We’re aiming for hearts, not deadlines. And like our children, our people notice when we’re hurrying to finish with them.

Gentleness Is Not Compromise

The clamoring for tough pastors is probably not going away soon. The world has never loved Christ or his ways. And in an environment that rewards heated rhetoric and where punchy provocation helps “build an audience,” Christ’s ways are especially unpopular.

But pastors can take heart from the master’s example. He never compromises his mission or God’s standards by being gentle. He never soft-peddles or shies away from truth-telling. Yet he is “gentle and lowly.” Gentleness isn’t compromise. Embracing Christ’s gentleness as their model could be the most courageous and countercultural thing pastors do. And it’s precisely this posture that will make pastors more approachable for the brokenhearted, the hopeless, the sin-weary, and even the prodigal.

Gentleness isn’t weakness. It’s Christlikeness and a fruit of the Holy Spirit.